Friday, 22 April 2011

Bill & Kath get married

See where Bill & Kath are planning their next visit at www.staywithourfriends.com

The morning of Saturday 16 April dawned bright but chilly. Bill, Kath and their closest family and friends woke with sore heads. Kath tried to blame this on the decanter of sherry in their room but Bill reminded her that it was more likely her father's wedding gift of a case of vintage Bordeaux which had been consumed with much less reverence than it deserved.

Today Bill & Kath are getting married. They have chosen Augill Castle in Cumbria's beautiful Eden Valley, run by husband and wife team Wendy & Simon Bennett, for a low key relaxed but stylish affair. Unfortunately Kath feels anything but relaxed and stylish this morning and Bill agrees to bring her a bacon sandwich in bed so she doesn't have to face everyone else before she's properly made up.


At the breakfast table everyone else is looking equally hungover, apart from Bill's stepmother Clara who, having not consumed a drop of the vintage claret, is taking the opportunity to moralise about the perils of pre-wedding binge drinking. Her eulogising falls on deaf ears as everyone is paying more attention than is necessary to their sausages. This is because the castle has just brought home two new piglets, Ron and Harry who are so adorable that, for just a moment the sausages seem wrong. But they are jolly good sausages and an excellent way of soaking up the excess alcohol.

By midday everyone is back in their rooms getting ready for the wedding. The sun is shining, the trees are green and the daffodils are swaying in the breeze.

'It's perfect,' Kath sighs contentedly as she gazes out of her window across the lawn towards the distant lakeland fells and even the sight of Clara, ready long before anyone else, striding back and forth across the croquet lawn, cannot interrupt her thoughts.

By 2pm all forty guests are assembled in the Music Room. The registrar, a portly fellow who compensates for his lack of stature by shouting at everyone, is keeping everyone in order with a list of housekeeping rules: No eating and drinking, no flash photography, no shifting in your seats, no laughing, coughing or movement of any kind. In fact, he might concede, if given the opportunity, that his job would be an awful lot easier if he could conduct ceremonies without guests. Then it would be a relatively simple step to eradicating the bride and groom as well as, frankly, a number of them give him far more grief than is good for him.

There are gasps of appreciation as Kath makes her entrance in a satin off the shoulder dress which shimmers in the afternoon sun flooding through the floor to ceiling windows.

After a long and leisurely wedding breakfast everyone settles down to an evening of light jazz from a live band and some just-for-fun gambling at two casino table which have been set up in the Great Hall.

Stepmother Clara doesn't approve of gambling but by now nobody cares what she thinks and, feeling ignored, she is consoling herself with the rest of the Bordeaux. Unfortunately, after the best part of a bottle, she misjudges her step and, as she trips, a full glass of claret spills straight down the front of Kath's dress.

Quick as a flash, Wendy grabs a soda siphon and, as if she were on fire, Kath is doused in soda water. The dress is saved.

Next morning there are kisses all round and Bill & Kath tell Wendy and Simon that it has truly been the best day of their lives. As they leave for the first leg of their big adventure they feel they may have arrived at Augill Castle as guests but they are definitely leaving as friends and they promise to send a postcard from everywhere their adventure takes them.

You'll be able to read Bill & Kath's tales here and find out more about where they go and what they get up to at www.staywithourfriends.com

Thursday, 14 April 2011

Bill & Kath

To see what gets Bill & Kath excited visit www.staywithourfriends.com

Bill & Kath are very excited. They had a little bit of luck at the end of last year (Bill won't expand on whether it was on the horses or the stock market) and are now getting married and planning a trip of a lifetime to follow.

They're using a great little website which has plans to go large called staywithourfriends.com to organise their trip.

They are tying the knot at Augill Castle in Cumbria. Kath found them on staywithourfriends.com
while looking for somewhere informal by stylish. They initially had some reservations as the castle doesn't accept dogs (they're very doggy people) but were swayed when they realised there were two resident dogs there already and they must get used to the fact that not everywhere they are going to stay on their big adventure isn't going to allow their dogs in either.

'April is such a lovely month to get married,' trilled Kath over the phone to Wendy ehen making her enquiries, having chosen the last weekend of the month. But she was horrified when her and Bill's namesakes chose the same weekend for their rather larger and grander nuptials. So Bill & Kath have brought their's forward and are marrying on April 16.

The castle is only small and the couple have had to be ruthless with their guest list. This suits Kath who avoids giving house room to most of her aunts and uncles (there's a whole side of the family that aren't even mentioned in polite company) and is certainly not about to fork out cash for them to get piddled at her expense.

Unfortunately Bill has drawn the line at allowing Kath to cross his ghastly step mother off the guest list too. 'You simply can't exclude her, Kath. She's part of the family. We've known her as Aunty Clara for years'.

'Hmm,' muses Kath, 'your Dad's special friend I suppose.'

'Well she's his wife now and she's coming.'

There has been much speculation about Kath's dress. Will it be a big meringue or a slinky sexy number? Will it even be white given that the couple have been together for some years now.

One thing's for sure: It's going to be a thoroughly modern wedding and the start of a very big adventure.